Reflections on Widowhood Series: Exploring the Many Rooms of Life After Loss
As I walk through the many rooms of widowhood, I find myself spending time in the room of decisions. Before my husband passed away, I never really thought about how many decisions we made together. It was simply part of our marriage and part of the life we shared.
Some decisions were important, while others were part of everyday life. We talked about finances, home repairs, vacations, purchases, and plans for the future. Sometimes one of us already knew what the answer would be, but we still talked about it. Looking back, I realize those conversations were never just about making decisions. They were another way we shared life together.
After my husband died, I realized that every decision would now be mine to make. Some involve finances, insurance, taxes, or planning for the future. Others are much smaller, like deciding which home project to tackle next, whether something should be repaired or replaced, or how I want to spend a Saturday. Some decisions can wait, while others cannot, but they all remind me that I am making them alone.
There are still times when I wonder what my husband would think about the decisions I have made since he died. I think he would agree with the decisions I have made. There are probably some we would have discussed longer or looked at from different perspectives before deciding, just as we always did. I’ll never know, but I still think about it because those conversations were part of how we lived our lives together.
One of the things I miss most is not having someone to say, “What do you think?” My husband didn’t make my decisions for me, and I didn’t make them for him. We shared them. We listened to each other, considered different ideas, and often saw things the other person hadn’t thought about. That was one of the strengths of our marriage, and it is something I miss.
Widowhood has changed that part of my life. The conversations that once happened across the kitchen table now happen only in my own thoughts. The decisions still have to be made, and life continues moving forward, but I continue to miss having the person who shared those decisions with me.
As I spend time in this room of widowhood, I have come to appreciate something I never really noticed before. Making decisions together wasn’t simply about finding the right answer. It was one more way my husband and I shared our lives. Today I make those decisions on my own, but they are still shaped by the years we spent building a life together. That part of our marriage did not end when he died. It continues to influence the choices I make every day.
